PN 6331 
J75 



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LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. 

Chap.. Copyright No. 

Shelf...:. .33 5" 



UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. 



Sayings 

Of 

Uncle Eben 

Philander Johnson 



PICTURES BY 

WILL H. CHANDLEE 



WASHINGTON 
THE BAUBLE PUBLISHING CO. 
MDCCCXCVI 



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COPYRIGHTED 

MDCCCXCVI 

BY P. C. JOHNSON 



Sayings of Uncle Eben 



ACKNOWLEDGEMENT IS DUE OF COURTESIES 
SHOWN IN CONNECTION WITH THIS VOLUME BY 
THE WASHINGTON EVENING STAR, IN WHOSE 
COLUMNS MUCH THAT IS PUBLISHED HERE 
ORIGINALLY APPEARED. 



SAYINGS OF UNCLE EBEN 



Life am mos'ly made up o' prayin' foh 
rain an' wishin' 'twould cl'ar off. 



Doan lose sight .er de future. De one dat 
grabs for de bigges' piece er watahmillion 
am liable ter git lef out de nex' time invi- 
tations is issued. 



Whutdey calls er pessimist am mos' alius 
er walkin' dununciation ob 'is wife's cook- 
ing. 



SAYINGS OF 



Some mighty good people does er lot o' 
preachin' whah dey might 'complish mo' 
by locatin' dah chicken-coop whah it 
wouldn' be so temptatious. 



Hit am mos'ly when er man am whut 
folks call "his own wust enemy" dat he 
succeeds in lubbin' his en ny. 



Some men kin whistle jes' 'nuff ter make 
dah neighbors mis'ble, an' not 'nuff ter 
stop er street kyah. 



Time is money, but hit do beat all how 
much easier 'tis ter gib er needy frien' an 
hour's lecture on economy dan 'tis ter lend 
'im fifty cents. 

10 



UNCLE EBEN 

Hit am er mighty exceptional man dat 
kin confine hisse'f ter de calender on dis- 
here Aprile fool bus'ness. 




11 



SAYINGS OF 
AN APRIL MOOD 

Dah's goin's on in April, 
When de tree tops 'gin ter sing 

An' de sunbeams am a-laughin' 
While dey cuts de pigeon wing. 

De forest am a-primpin' 
Whah de crick its mirror shows 

'Case she's gwine ter jine de party 
An' she wants her fines' clothes. 



12 



UNCLE EBEN 

Contentment am er good thing, but it 
hab its propah place. Yoh too often sees 
er man dat's contented ter lib on whut 'is 
wife kin earn. 

Bein' good-natured makes er heap better 
citizen dan losing yoh tempah. But some- 
times provocation comes erlongwhah yoh 
gotter leggo aw be er hypccrit. 

Dah ain' no doubt 'bout contentment be- 
in' bettern riches. But mos' ebrybody 
now'days seems too p'lite ter want de bes' 
foh hisself. 




SAYINGS OF 

Yoh , lI take notis dat de man who talks 
big 'bout whut he hab done an' whut he's 
gwine ter do, am invarr'bly doin' nuffin* 
'tall at dis partic'lar time. 



De only t'ing dat some men nebber gits 
'scouraged ober am tryin' ter lib wifout 

wu'kin'. 



Some men alius acks oberworked foh de 
reason dat any business 'tall am mo' dan 
dey kin ten' to. 



14 



UNCLE EBEN 




IS 



SAYINGS OF 



MUTUAL ENVY 



Boy, he say, "I wisht I was 

Er man dat's done growed-up; 
Mebbe, den, I'd drive er horse 

Er own er yaller pup, 
I'd stay out late, an' Pd be free 

Fum lickin's when Ps bad — 
Oh golly, how Pd like ter be 

Er growed-up man like dad." 

Man, he say, "I wisht I was 

Er little feller, now. 
Dah wouldn' be much mo' time los' 

A-followin dishere plow. 
Dah's no mo' goin' on de sly 

Ter hunt er fish er swim. 
Oh golly, how I wish dat I 

Wus Pickaninny Jim." 



16 



UNCLE EBEN 

De young folks doan git 'nuff Mention. 
Wen er 'boy has de stumach-ache, he jes' 
gits laughed at. But w'en er man gits it, he 
wants ter be treated like he gwinter die, 
sho'. 



Er fahther hab er hahd argyment befoh 
him w'en he bets on hoss-races an' scol's 
his boy foh playin' mahbles foh keeps. 



Da am only one kin' ob boy li'ble ter 
tu'n out wuss dan d e boy dat doan git 
licked, an' dat's de one dat gits licked too 
much, 



17 



SAYINGS OF 

Doan' staht in ter sow no wiP oats. 
Yoh's li'ble ter put in yon whole life hah- 
vestin' de crap. 



Dar am some parents dat hab a keerless 
way o' 'casionally makin' er boy feel like 
he wus gettin' whipped foh not lyin' 
'bout whut he done. 



Hit am er good t'ing ter ake de cigar- 
ettes away fum de boy. Bir; some er de 
mo'al erfeck am boun' ter be los' ef yoh 
tu'ns in an' smokes 'em yohse'f. 



Somehow er boy gits ter be mos' ez 
angelic jes' befoh Christmas ez he gits 
prezackly de opposite way 'long 'bout 
de Fourf ob July. 



18 



UNCLE EBEN 

When er man ain' got nuffin' ter do his- 
se'f he seems ter fink dat it's in his power 
ter declare er national holiday fer his 
'quaintances. 



De individjle dat kin tell foh shoh ebry 
time, whedder he's jes' tiahed out aw jes' 
indolent hab qualities dat nacherly fit him 
foh nuffin' less dan de Supreme Bench. 



Yoh wants ter look out foh some er dese 
ol' proverbs. Dat remahk 'bout not 
crossin' de bridge tell yoh gits ter it hab 
kep' many er man on de do-nuflin' side o' 
de stream. 



19 



/ 



UNCLE EBEft 



Sonny, 'taint nuffin' ter yer discredit 
dat yoh doan know ez much ez yoh 
'rnagines. Ef yoh did, yoh'd probably 
scoot erlong so fas' in dishere wurl' dat 
yoh'd git persassinated like Julius Caesar. 



21 



SAYINGS OF 

When er man talks 'bout whut er good 
fren' ob yourn he am, listen ter him but 
doan' trade hosses wif him. 



De wu'kman dat tu'ns out er po' job 
am better dan de man dat doan' do nuftin' 
but look on an' make remahks. 

Some men would stahtle de woiT ef dey 
wus ez industrious wu'kin' ez dey is in 
makin' 'scuses. 

Lots er men woldn' hate wu'k nigh so 
much ef dey'd only take de trouble ter git 
'quainted wif it. 

Idleness meks er man talkative. Seems 
like it's onpossible ter do nuffin' an* 
say nuffin' simultuously. 

22 




A SYMPHONY 

Ps done let down de fiddle's 

strings 
An' Ps hung 'im on de wall a*& 
Foh I doan hab use foh no sich 

things 
When de Souf-win' comes 

ter call. " \ ^ 

Foh de cloud he res' by de ribber bank V V\ 

Ter hank ter de chorus whah de weeds ' v v!4 s ' y 

grow rank, & N * 

An* de small birds whistle an' de yaller A x ft \ 

jackets hum, '* **\k 

An* de bull-frog hammer on Us big M ( >A 

bass drum. *\V 

* \ 

Yoh's got ter eddycate yer ear §|£ % 

Or yoh can't appreciate C 

De compositions dat yoh hear 

When er wahm day's growin' late; 

But when yoh's in de frame ob mind 

Yoh want's no better dan what yoh find 

When de small birds whistle an'de yaller jackets hum 

An' de bull-frog hammer on 'is big bass drum. 

23 



SAYINGS OF 




UNCLE EBEN 

LUXURY 

Ef I should lose mer laziness I sho'ly hates ter think 
Ob de comfort an' enj'yment dat I'd miss. 
Dah am' so man)' years 
In dis life ob joy and tears 
An' we might es well jes' make de mos' ob dis. 
When I sees de people frettin' tell dey reach de 
grave-yahd's brink 
A-fussin' an' a-fallin' in dah haste, 
Mer lucky stahs I bless 
Dat I's got dis laziness 
An' I ain't a gwinter let none go ter waste. 

Ef I should lose mer laziness de sun would shine in 
vain, 
On de ol' po'ch whur de honeysuckles climb, 
An' de gret big rockin' cha'h 
Would be standin' idle dah, 
While I squandered recklessly mer ioafin'-time. 
So I grabs mer opportunity — it may not come again 
An' I lets de hours pass on, a-driftin' free; 
An' de sunbeams come an' play 
An' de perfumed breezes stray 
To keep comp'ny wif mer laziness an' me. 

25 



SAYINGS OF 



A SIMILE 

Er man am mighty like er bee,* 

It's all dependin', sonny, 
On how yoh treats Mm which yoh gits- 

De stinger aw de honey. 



26 



UNCLE EBEN 

Dishere little busy bee reminds me ob 
er whole lot ob people. Dey gits mad an' 
stings er man 'bout little er nuffln' an' 
lays right down an' lets de hull hive git 
robbed when de critical 'casion comes. 




27 



SAYINGS OF 

Doan put in yoh time perducin' advice. 
De mahket foh it am mighty po\ Ef er 
man teks it fer nuffin' he am li'ble ter ack 
like he done yer a favor. 



De man dat am de mos' skyart foh fear 
folks am gwine ter miss sumpin' whut he 
says ginerally libs ter be sorry he let 'em 
hyah a good deal ob it. 



Yoh's gotter git right down an' hustle 
foh re'l success. Er young man's gwinter 
spile 'is silk hat ef he keeps hit on while 
he's tryin' ter put on de wreath er laurel. 



28 



UNCLE EBEN 



Er gret big weddin' am er mighty fine 
t'ing. But it ain' necessarily gwinter mek 
home happy. 



When yoh hyah er young man sayin' 
he's nebber gwine ter git married, jes' 
look 'round an' notice ef dar ain' some 
special young woman dat he's tryin' ter 
git interested in de statement. 



Some gals makes dah bigges' mistakes 
by 'maginin' dat de kin' er language er 
young man puts inter 'is valentines an' 
love-letters is 'is naclrl ebry-day talk. 



'Casionally er young man seems er heap 
mo* willin' ter spen' money on valentines 
foh er young lady dan he is ter settle de 
grocery bill after he's done married her. 
29 



SAYINGS OF 



De young lady dat's gwinter marry er 
young- man ter refohm 'im, orter hab her 
'tention called to de fack dat two people— 
de young man's father an' mother, hab 
put in years at de job she gwinter tackle, 
wifout success. 




Cupid nebber wus so blin' dat hit tuk 
'im mo' dan two seconds ter see trough de 
anonymousness ob er valentine. 

Er gal is li'ble ter 'magine er man is 
gwine ter mek er good husband simply 
'case he's read de same novels dat she has. 
30 



UNCLE EBEN 



CONTRAST 

Laugh er bit an' sing er chune 

White' tryin' ter remember; 
Yoh mightn't 'predate de June 

Ef 'twarn't foh December. 




SAYINGS OF 



Embellishment am right 'nough in its 
way. But 'taint de curlycues on de check 
dat saterfy de gemman at de bank. 



Some folks am so skyaht o' doin' dah 
wu'k on'y half way dat dey draps it right at 
de beginnin'. 



Some dogs is like human fo'ks. Jes' ez 
soon ez yoh gib 'em 'miff ter eat, dey 
'gins ter git sassy. 



Er good deal depen's on not misdirectin , 
yoh inergies. Er awgan-grinder ain' gwine 
ter mek much headway playin' in front 
ob er deaf an' dumb asylum. 
32 



UKCLE EBEN 

A SUNSET DITTY 

Moon, she come a-swingin' low; 

How-de do, mer lady. 
Time foh Mr. Sun ter go. 

Meet you by an' by. 
Clouds am curlin' in de West, 
An' de rain-bows build dah nest 
Jes' above de mountain's crest — 

Ain't no cause ter sigh. 

Missie Moon, she smile so sweet, 
(How-de do, mer lady.) 

Daylight jes' gib in complete. 
Meet you by an' by. 

Watch dem colors cross de scene: 

.See dat pink an' white an' green? 

Watah-millions, what dey mean. 
Ain't no cause ter sigh. 



33 



SAYINGS OF 

Hit am er fack dat er little learnin' am 
er danj'ous t'ing. But doan fohgit dat de 
littler 'tis, de mo' danj'ouser 'tis. 



Plain fo'ks is de kin' dat kin oftenes' be 
depended on. De singin' ob de canary am 
sweet, but de cackle o' de hen means busi- 
ness. 



Doan hide yoh light under a bushel. 
But even if yoh does, de light' 11 shine out 
trough de chinks, ef its good an strong. 



Ef dah wus er sho'-nufT Fool-killer, some 
er de fo'ks dat does de mos' hollerin' foh 
'im now 'ud be de fus' ter git in hidin' ef 
he come roun'. 

34 



UNCLE EBEN 



PENALTY 

It's sufFerin' makes de usefulness 
Whichebber way you look; 

De fishin' worm's no good ontel 
He's strugglin' on de hook. 



35 



SAYINGS OF 



Doan model yoh life aftuh detoboggon. 
De fun o' back-siidin' doan pay foh de 
hahd journey up de hill o' repentence, 



Sometimes, when yoh does er favor foh 
er man, he jes' acks like yoh orter be 
thankful foh de chance he give yer ter 

Show Off, 



When erf rien' axes yer foh advice, de 
bes r ting ter do is ter try an' guess his 
'pinion an' tell it ter 'im. 



Rise in de worl" all yoh kin, but doan 
sacrifice yoh reppytation. Hit may come 
in handy foh er parachute. 
36 



UNCLE EBEN 

Tryin' ter reg'late de 'fahrs er de 
country by vi'lence am mos' alius like 
burnin' off yoh finger ter cure er 'skeeter- 
bite. 

Er puhfessional refohmer ginerally 
stahts in by tacklin' de hull universe. He 
wu'ks roun 1 ter Ms own short-comings by 
ve'y slow degrees. 

Hit am alius pathetic ter hyah er man's 
wife tryin' ter git comfort out'n de fack 
dat wuss men dan him hez got office. 

One vindication am er good t'ing. But 
hit am er bad idea foh er public servant 
ter git in de habit o' takin' 'em reg'lar. 

'Tain' alius de citizen dat shoots off de 
irlos' iiah crackahs on de Fourf er July 
dat 'ud be in de bigges' hurry ter enlis' 
ef wah was ter break o ut. 

37 



SAYINGS OF 




THE HUSBANDMEN 

Ws's waited fur it patient, an* it's comin' roun* 
ergin, 
De season when de air is crisp an* clear; 
When de cider's in de barrel an' de co'n is in de bin 

An' de summer's aggerwations disappear. 
But dis hahves' ain' de only t'ing we's got ter lose 
er win; 
Hit am* no time ter quit an* take er nap. 
We is hopin* an' debatin' 
An' a-wishin' an' a-waitin' 
Tell de ballot's ripe an' ready foh ter drop. 
38 



UWCLE EBEN 

De hands has done wu'ked up de soil wif diligence 
an* speed, 
Wif overseers ez knows whut dey's erbout; 
Hit's rich wif common sense an' dem ez sows de 
proper seed 
Kin res' assured dat hit's a-gwineter sprout, 
We'll nuss de plant dat nourishes an 7 tear away de 
weed 
An' look ter see a big an' wholesome crap; 
We's a-sighin' an' a-yearnin' 
An* a-strivin' an' a-learnin' 
Tell de ballot's ripe an ? ready foh ter drap. 




SAYINGS OF 

De way ter be er sho'-'nuff patriot am 
ter try f oh less hurrahin' an* mo' thinkin'; 
less torch-light kerosene an' mo' midnight 
ile. 



De trouble 'bout de man dat t'inks he 
knows it all am dat he wants ter stop 
all de folks he meets an' tell ebry bit ob 
it. 




40 



UKCLE EBEN 



Talk is alius cheap. An' de cheaper an* 
commoner talk gits ter be, de mo' de 
price er meat an 1 vegetables goes up. 



Many a man hab foun' dat de pinnacle 
ob fame am intiahly too p'inted ter sit 
down on wif comfort. 



Ef women am ez contrary ez some folks 
'clan dey is, de bes' way ter git em outer 
wantin' suffrage, am ter tell 'em dey got 
ter vote. 



Ef some men paid ez much 'tention ter 
bein* Congressmen ez dey did ter bein' 
canerdates, dar'd be moh statesmen in 
dishere country. 



41 



SAYINGS OF 

De canerdate dat gits defeated am hahd 
ter convince dat dis worl' ani pergressin'. 

De difficulty 'bout bein er statesman 
out'n a job am de trouble yoh's li'ble ter 
'sperience gittin' er recomend. f um yoh 
las' place. 

Sometimes de big words git de mos' 
applause but dey doan mek nigh so many 
people change dah min's. 

Er man am intitled ter his own opinions. 
Hit am only when he tries ter mek some- 
body er present ob ' em dat he gits dis- 
'gree'ble. 

Ez soon ez er man begins ter t'ink de 

worP kain't git erlong wifout him, he 

meks it unpossible foh anybody ter git er- 
long wif him. 

42 



UNCLE EBEN 

Some men seems ter fink dat talkin* at 
de top er yoh voice kin take de place ob 
speakin' V um de bottom ob yoh h'aht. 



Dan's too much time wasted in tryin' 
ter Meet er Congress dat' 11 legislate de 
mawgidges off' de fahms. 



Hit am mahvellous how much easier 
some men tin's hit ter pay off de national 
debt dan ter settle de grocery bill. 



Cuhcumstances alter cases. De man 
dat likes ter hyah hisse'f holler in er 
ahgyment doan 'pear ter git no satisfact- 
ion 'tall f um Ms voice, drivin' cows. 

43 



SAYINGS OF 



Some men hab er way ob makin' yer 
i'ink dat yoh lacks in comprehension 
when de real fack is dat dey is concealing 
dah own ign'unce. 



Sayin* de right t'ing at de right time 
am er great gif . But not sayin' anyt'ing 
at de right time am mos' ez good an' er 
heap mo' relible. 



'Tain't de noisy man dat do de mos' 
bus'ness. De torpedo boat swims under 
watah an 1 doan do nosplashin' whutsom- 
ever. 



44 




'Tain' no matter what ychdoes, 

Nor to whah yoh strays, 
T'ings'll make yer wish dey wuz 

Dif unt, lots o' ways. 
When Ts done de bes* 1 can, 

Weary ez kin be, 
Wisht I wuz some yuther man, 

'Stid o' bein' me. 

But, when mawnin' fin's me strong, 

Ready foh de day, 
Strikes me dat I may be wrong 

Pinin' dat-a-way. 
Ef folks changed aroun' so free 

Comfo't might be slim; 
P'raps I'd wish dat I wuz me 

'Stid o' bein' him. 
45 



SAYINGS OF 

Er man dat comes ter Washington look- 
in' foh trouble am lrble ter git Ms wish 
er heap quicker dan de man dat comes 
lookin' foh office. 




46 



UNCLE EBEN 

Ebry t'ing am all right in its place. Er 
sha'p razzer meks er good barber one min- 
ute, an' a bad man de nex\ 

Ef a p'liceman could keep 'is eye on er 
bad citizen ez industrious ez er bad 
citizen kin keep 'is eye on a p'liceman, dah 
wouldn' be nigh so much goin's on. 

Big words an' fine clothes is bery fre- 
quent alike in not kibberin' much dat re'ly 
counts. 

De woman dat jumps in an' tries ter boss 
de human race ain' er bit mo' 'zasperatin' 
dan de man dat prides hisse'f on bein' purty 
ter look at. 

I ain* goin' in so ter'ble strong foh dese 
new women idee's but I kain symp'fise wit' 
a lot of able-bodied citizens dat seems ter 
think er woman musn't do er man's work, 
onless she's done married de man. 

47 



SAYINGS OF 

MAGNIFICENCE 

I 

Vs read it in de paper an' l's hyuhd it in de 
ha!! 
'Bout de goinVon a-crownin' king or 
Czar; 
When de flashin' o' de di'mon's an' de 
splendor ob it all 
Beats de fines' circuses dat ebber wur. 
But, goodness, gracious, chile, 
I doesn' ask foh style; 
Ter see sech fuss an' fixin's I would 
scarcely walk er mile. 
l's sho' dar isn' anyt'ing sogohgeous, any- 
where, 
As ter see Miss Summer comin' wif de 
roses in her hair. 



43 



UNCLE EBEN 

II 

Dey say dat sech occasions am de grandes' 
t'ings yoh'll fin' 
When er ruier an' 'is people makes 
er pledge; 
But I finds er sign o' promise mo' impres- 
sive ter my mind 
In de simple wreath o' blossoms on de 
hedge 
Perhaps it's 'case I's old 
An' mer magination's cold; 
But mer haht keeps on a-whisperin', 
in spite ob what I's told, 
Dat nuftin' in dis gret big earf could be 

mo' richly fair 
Dan ter see Miss Summer comin wif de 
roses in hair. 



49 



SAYJKGS OF 



Some men gits de reppitation ob bein' 
great leaders, when, ez a matter er fack t 
dey is jes* bein' shoved foward f urn behin'. 



Dah's many er big man dat nebber would 
of climbed ter success ef his wif hadn' 
stood by sometimes ter stiddy de ladder. 



De labor some er deshere politicians puts 
inter schemes ter git somefin' foh numV 
remin* me o' de pussun dat put in all 'is 
spare time foh six months makin' er coun- 
terfeit one-dollar bill dat wouldn' pass 
when he got it done. 

50 



UNCLE E8EN 



Er politician soon discovers dat hit's 
hahd ter set de people mahchin' his way 
by drummin' oner empty bar'l. 



De no'f pole ain' much hahder foh de 
white gemmen to reach dan de 'lection poll 
wus foh me once ponner time. 



Dishonesty kyahs its own punisrnent. 
Hit am de fattenin' puhsimmons he done 
stole dat leads ter de 'possum's gittin' 
cooked foh dinner. 



Yoh kain't leave no footprints in de san's 
o' time ef yoh goes trough life wif yoh 
kyapet slippahs on. Yoh's got ter tramp 
roun 1 in hob-nailed shoes. 

51 



SAYINGS OF 



Nature doan rtcbber bestow all her gif's 
on one indivijjle. De lightnin' bug ain' got 
no stinger an' de skeeter ain' got no lamp. 



Yoh kin tell er good deal 'bout er 
man's early hahdships er luxuries, by 
noticin' wheddah he calls daisies, "wiP 
flowers" er "weeds." 



I doesn't wanter 'scourage nobody but 
true repentance consists in not doin' it 
over agin. 

52 



UNCLE EBEN 



Doan' talk about yoh neighbors. Yoh 
services am s'perfl'ous. Dey'll ten' to it 
foh one annuddah an' foh yoh, too. 



Some men gits sudd'nitly neah-sighted 
when dey stahts out ter look foh wu'k. 



Too much se/f-esteem kain't he'p bein' 
comical. Er man is boun' ter 'pear ridic'- 
lousef he tries ter pat hisse'f on de back. 



Ef yoh ahgifies wif er smaht pusson yoh 
done git de wust ob it, and if yoh ahgifies 
wif er fool yoh done was'e yoh time. 

53 



SAYINGS OF 
ANTICIPATION 

In July you feels de simmer 

Ob de sun dat makes it sweet, 
Hurryin' roun'J — de dewdrops glimmer 

Foh ter mek de fruit complete. 
Summer's young; yit hyah*s de feemV 

Dat de fruit will turn out prime, 
An' de dreams come sof ly stealin' — 

Dreams ob watermillyun time. 

Trickle, trickle! How dem juices 

Wash de worry all away! 
Mek yoh wonder what de use is 

Ob dis wu'kin, day by day! 
Green an* white an' pink a-i'min' — 

Hit's a picture mos' sublime., 
Show yoh teef an' quit repinin' — 

Dream ob watermillyun time. 



S4 



UNCLE EBEH 




SAYINGS OF 



WILL T THE WISP 



Willer-de-wis, he shine so bright, 

ArT seem ter dance so gay 
Yoh wants ter keep Mm still in sight 
An' wishes yoh had ? im day an' night 
Fohter f rolick dat-er-way* • . v. 




But trus' yoh mammy; doan' gib chase, 

Dan's lots o* joys like dis; 
Jes' look an* laugh, an' keep yoh place; : 
Ef yoh comes too nigh 'em, dey leaves no 
trace. ; . • 

Dey's gone, like willer-de-wis. 



56 



UNCLE EBEN 

It doan' do ter put too much confidence 
in de fade dat er man looks good-natured. 
Er hongry alligator hab de broades' grin in 
de animal kingdom. 

Whut sometimes ^passes foh patience am 
jes' de grit ten bear gain .wifojut lettin' on. 

Hit beat all how people does take t'ings 
to deyse'fs. I hones'ly 'specks dat ef de 
moon wus ter drap, thousand's o' men ? ud 
git mad an' try ter whup somebody foh 
irowin' it at 'em. 

De wise man tells less dan he knows; 
de fool tells all dat he knows, and de liar 
tells mo' dan he knows. 

De fac' dat some men gits erlong by jes* 
pertendin' ter be wise shows whuter good 
t'ing sho-'nuflf wisdom mus' be. 
57 



SAYINGS OP 




HJIIIIIKIIIflllftlilfiHIIirilh 



I doan' say ez how dar ain' any sech 
t'ing ez ghos'es. But I does notice dat de 
mo' tramps dar is, de mo' ha' n ted houses 
yoh hyahs 'bout. 

'Bout de wus kin* o' bad luck in de wort 1 
am gittin' ter b'lieve dat dah is any sech 
t'ing. 

Mebbe you've noticed dat mos' o* des- 
here Jonahs is idle and mos' o* de mascots 
keeps deirse'fs busy. 

Doan' you be skyaht ter battle wif sin, 
but hoP on ter de ch'ice ob weapons. 
Many a young man am hus'lin' foh his rent 
money 'case he stahted in ter punish dese 
race track folks. 



5* 



UNCLE CBEN 

UPS AND DOWNS 



Doan 1 gib up to worriment when luck 
doan* come yoh way, 
When all yoh tryin* seems to be in vain, 
Dean' yoh keep a finking 'bout de shad- 
ders ob terday v 
'Case termorow it'll mebbe shine again. 
Yoh gits de bitter wif de sweet, dc sorrer 
wif de joy, 
In dis er any udder sort o' clime, 
Yoh gotter take dis ole worl' as she comes; 
you hyah me, boy! 
Yoh kain* ketch sebben-lebben all de 
time. 



59 



SAYINGS OF 
II 

Yoh has ter keep a tryin' hah'd, becase — 
yoh orter know — 
De happy turn ob fortune nebber came 
Ter dem dat ain't got courage foh ter take 
de bones an' frow. 
But jes' stan's roun' a-lookin at de game. 
Dis spoht 's er mighly ruinatin' t'ing, I mus* 
allow, 
But serbes top'int a moral fur de rhyme; 
Yoh might ez well git uster disappointment 
here and now, 
Yoh kain't ketch sebben-lebben 
all de time. 




60 



UNCLE EBEN 

Life am er goad deal like er game o' 
kyahds; but dah ain' no booby prize foh 
de men dat gits Ief\ 

Hit am er painful fack dat good luck kin 
be sp'iled er heap easier dan bad luck kin 
be repaired. 

Lots er times de man dat keep talkin' 
'bout waitin' 'tell his ship comes in, ain 1 
nebber had 'nough hustle in 'im ter sen' no 
ship out. 

Yoh kain't lib wifout learnin' ez you go 
'long, but de way yoh gits yer edjycation 
meks er heap er diffunce. No good comes 
er teachin' er boy 'rifmetic f'um er policy 
slip. 



61 



SAYINGS OF 

SONGSTERS 

I 

Ain' got time ter foller ter de playin' o' de 
band; 
I's spectin' ob a finer chune to soun' 
Fur it's mighty welcome music dat comes 
echoin' fro' de land 
When de 'simmon is a drappin' tow'ds 
de groun' 
So, good-bye. banjo, 
An' good-bye, fiddle, too; 
Foh I smells de pone a-bakin' an* I hyah's 
de 'possum stew, 
An' I hasn't got no notion foh a-doin' any- 
thing 
'Sides a-wishin' an' a-waitin' foh de katy- 
dids ter sing. 



62 



USCLE EBEN 

II 

It's sweet ter hyah de mockin'-bird rejoicin' 
in de hedge; 
It's fine ter hab de robin come an' call, 
And stay jes' long enough ter greet yoh, 
f urn de window ledge — 
But we ain't a-gwineter miss 'em in de 
fall, 
Fur it's good-bye, banjo, 
An' it's good-bye, fiddle, too; 
When de trees is tuhnin' yaller an' de 
mountain-mist is blue. 
I's sot mer h'aht on pleasures dat de 

frosty days will bring; 
I's a-wishin' an' a-waitin' foh de katy-dids 
ter sing. 



63 



SAYINGS OF 

Some white people seems ter regyahd 
dehse'ves ez belli' so much better' n de 
res' o' de worl' dat dey doan' hab to 
show no superiority in dar actions. 



Ef dah warn' some charity foh human 
defecks, dah couldn' be so much se'f- 

esteem. 



De man dat loves de soun' er his own 
voice hez mos' alius got po' tas'e. 



Ef yoh wanter flatter er man's vanity 
good, tell 'im he ain' got none. 



64 



UNCLE EBEN 

MISS RAINBOW 

Miss Rainbow was a-primpin' an' a-smilin' 

in de sky, 
An' a-flirtin' wif de sun-beam ez he went 
a-prancin' by. 
An' ez all de people knows, 
She hab got sech goh'geous clo'se 
Dat de folks jes' stop dah wu'k ter watch 
her eb'rywhah she goes. 

But pride mos' alius hab er fall. 'Twus 

bery safe to say, 
Miss Rainbow gvvineter suffer foh a-flounc- 
in' dat-a-way. 
An' she held huh haid so high 
Dat it wa'n't no use ter try 
Ter make her see de branches dat she 
come a-trailin' nigh. 



65 



SAYINGS OF 



An* when de summer days is past an' she's 

done had her play, 
Mos' eb'ry yeah it happens, when yoh 
chance ter walk dat way 
Dat Miss Rainbow you will see, 
Jes' ez meek ez she kin be, 
A-shinhV whah she's tangled^frste leafy 



maple tree. 




66 



UNCLE EBCN 



Sometimes de houses dat has de bigges' 
fam'lies an' de littles' tuhkey seems ter hab 
de mos' gennywine Thanksgibbin' in 'em. 



'Pinions hez alius gotter be considered 
f'um de stan'p'int o' de pusson dat 
'spresses 'em. Yoh kain't 'speck de tuh- 
key ter hab er strong admiration foh er 
November bill o' f 'ah. 

Some natures is ez puckery ez er puh- 
simmon. An' often de fros' ob adversity 
brings out an amount o' sweetness dat am 
amazin'. 

Many er young gemman hez been recitin' 
"Beautiful Snow," when he orter been 
shovelin' it. 

67 



SAYINGS OF 

INVITATION 

Some people seems ter 'magine dat de 

onlyes' time ter sing 
Is when de early sunshine comes ter coax 

• de buds in spring. 
An' dey sets deirse'fs to carol jes' ez hand 

ez dey knows how 
A-follerin' de fashion ob de bird upon de 

bough. 
But dar isn' any limit ter yearf s jounty 

an its cheer. 
Dar is songs foh eb'ry season an' a smile 

foh all de year. 
So raise yoh music, honey; let us hab it 

sweet and strong, 
A-finin' in de choruses whatebber comes 

erlong. 



68 



UNCLE EBEN 

Yoh isn' 'bliged to go an' take no lessons 

ter come in, 
Even oV Miss Owl is welcome when she 

does de bes' she kin. 
De tree-toad keeps a-chirpin' in a way yoh 

mus' admire, 
An' de katy-did, she cut er leadin* figger in 

de choir. 
De zephyr keeps a-hummin' an' a-chunin' 

up de trees 
Tell yoh hyahs de band a-playin' eb'ry 

time dah comes er breeze. 
So don't be backward, chillen, but keep 

time wif dishere throng. 
A-j'inin' in de choruses, whatebber comes 

erlong. 



69 



SAYINGS OF 

IDLENESS 

I seed er feller sittin' an er blinkin' at de sky; 

He didn' go ter sleep; 'twus too much wu'k ter shet 

he eye. 
He brace he back agin' ertree an' listen at "is ease 
Terde chirpin'o' de cricket an' de sighin' o' de breeze 
I tell yer! Dat wus luxury hit done me good ter view 
Ter sit, a-doin' nuffin', 'case dey's nuffin els ter do. 

So, jes yoh go a-laborin' on an' min' yoh duty right; 
An' keep a-savin' up an' bein' watchful day an' night 
An' mebbe yoh will git ter whah yoh toil an* 

troubles close 
An' dah won' be nuffin' 'tall expected f urn yer but 

repose; 
Ter whah wif folded nan's an' all yoh tasks done 

good an' true,. 
Yoh kin sit, a-doin' nuffin', 'case dey's nuffin' else 

ter do. 



70 



UNCLE EBEN 

Hit am er fack dat hit ain' no use ter 
worry. But hit am jes ? ez much er fack 
dat hit ain' no use ter tell nobody dat hit 
ain' no use ter worry. 

When er man smites yer, turn de udder 
cheek. Den ef he's mean 'nuflf ter take 
advantage ob yer Christianity, he deserves 
de bes' whuppin' yoh knows how ter gib 



Er blessin' in disguise am er good deal 
like de gemman wif an alias. It may be ez 
right ez kin be, but yoh nebber gits ober 
yoh s'picions. 

Yoh kain't measure trouble by de size 
ob whut caused it. Yoh kin walk 'roun' 
er rock. But er pebble in de shoe do hurt. 



71 



SAYFNGS OF 

M I S T U H HAWKINS 

{A Negro Soubriquet for the North Wind) 

Mistah Hawkins am a hongry 
He come s'archin' low an' high, 

An' swallowin' up mos' ebryt'ing 
Dat catches ob his eye. 

He am losin' ob his temper; 

Take a wa^mm' when he roars, 
'Case he's li'ble foh ter bite yer 

Ef he meet yer out ob doors. 

He et de sunshine as it came 

A-trickiin' V um de Souf 
An' used de table-clof ob snow 

Fur wipin' off he mouf. 

He et de leaves, he et de grass 

All up from eb'rywhere, 
Dah's nnffin' lef ter eat, an' dat 

Whut mek } im fuss an' tear. 

72 



UNCLE EBEN 

Pride am ter chillun whut bakin'-powdah 
am ter de cookiir. Yoh kain't raise 'em 
right wifout it, but too much am gwine 
ter spile 'em sho'. 

Er glass diamon' shirt stud ain't got no 
magnifyin' powers. On de contrary, hit's 
eileck am ter mek de man behin' it look 
mighty small. 

Hit am better ter hab er cabbage under 
de wais'-coat dan er chrysanf'rnum in de 
buttonhole. 

Pay 'tention ter yoh own short-comin's 
'Slid o' lecturin' yoh neighbor. Dar ain' 
no sense in climbin ober an' pullin' de 
weeds oufn anudder man's gyahden. 

Hit doan' pay to be too pompous. Eb'ry 
time yoh reaches ober ter look down on 
yoh feller men, yoh runs de risk o' losin* 
yoh balance an' drappin'. 

73 



SAYINGS OF 
SATIETY 

Leaf, he come a-whisperin', 

Droppin' f urn de tree; 
Stopped ter tell a story 

'Bout hisse'f ter me. 
Says, "We's see'd de vi'lets, 

Hyurdde robins sing; 
We's tasted all de pleasures 

Dat de worP kin gib in Spring. 
* 'We's seen de June-time roses, 

An' we's felt de August rain, 
We's holp de breezes frolic 

As dey swep' de ripenin' grain. 
"We has changed our modes' colors 

Foh de kin' de Autumn brings; 
We has dressed in gol' an' purple 

Like de goh'geousest ob kings. 
"Dan am nuffin' mo' ter wish foh; 

We has tasted all de bes\ 
So we's drappin', onregretful, 

'Case we's ready foh ter res'. 
74 



UNCLE EBEN 



I mus' say dat I ain* highly admiracious 
o' de white folks dat is so busy wif dah 
social obligations dat dey fohgits dah 
financial obligations. 



Dah am' so much hahm ahter all in er 
man's habin' er pooty good 'pinion ob 
hisse'f ef he hones'ly does his bes' ter lib 
up ter it. 

Doan' jedge by 'pearances. Many er boy 
gits er ice-col' baf wif 'is skates on by 
doin' jes' dat. 



Some folks seem ter go on de principle 
dat economy consists in goin' wifout de 
necessities er life so as ter hab de money 
ter squander on de luxuries. 

75 



SAYINGS OF 



Yoh kain' put no dependance on de 
show people mek. De bass-player in de 
orchestra hab de bigges' fiddle but he ain* 
de feller dat sets de step foh de res' o' de 
inst'ments. 

De hypocrit b'lieves dat de mantle o' 
charity wus made ter order ter fit him. 




ENCLE EBEN 

De only sign er humility some folks 
shows am ter \W dah voices in loud con- 
demnation ob dah own faults in somebody 
else. 

Some men nebber seems ter git ral in- 
dustrious ontil dey's doin' sumpin* dey's 
gwineter be sorry foh. 




77 



SAYINGS OF 



Braggin' am ve'y frequent an effort ter 
bolster up se'f respeck. 



I nebbah coul' see de sense in white 
folks wifholdin' de crust er bread V urn 
de needy ter save up foh banquets fer peo- 
ple dat'll jes' go 'way an' talk erbout 'em 
an 1 am' hongry nohow. 



De mercury in de fermometer am jes' 
like folks. Hit am mighty onpleasant com- 
pany when hit gits ter feelin' too big an' 
likewise when it gits ter actin' small. 



Flattery hab great power. De man dat 
'grees wif eb'rybody dat talks ter him 
gits de reputation o' bein monstrous wise. 

78 



UNCLE EEEE 

AN EVENING'S EXPERIENCE 

When de sun puts on his golden gown 

Wif de shiny purple seams. 
An' lays him down in twilight town 

Foh er res' in de house o' dreams, 
I takes de tiddle an' I takes de bow 

An' I sets whah de shadows creep. 
An' I plays 'imfast an' I plays 'im slow 

Till I plays me mos' ter sleep. 

Miss Moon comes over de sky right soon 

Wif er smile dat am fine ter see; 
An' I stop de tune an' I say "Miss Moon, 

Will yoh promenade wif me?" 
It's fie, Miss Moon — it's fie, foh shame. 

I didn' think yoh'd stoop 
Foh ter lead me on till I's clean done gone 

Run inter a chicken-coop! 



79 



SAYINGS OF 

Doair be too skyaht ob gittin' lef . De 
chicken dat sleeps er little way back in de 
coop may be de las' ter git 'is brekfas' but 
he ain' so easp grabbed off de roos\ 

Hit am er gret thing ter be consistent 
but doan' overdo it. De clock in front er 
de jeweler's, dat hez p'inted ter twenty 
minutes past eight foh de las* sebben er 
eight yeahs am one er de mos consistent 
Tings dat is. 

Eb'ry cloud hab er silber linin". De 
trouble am dat er heap er men am' got 
'nuff inergy ter hustle an* tuhn de cloud 
inside out. 

De two mos' foolish folks on top er 
groun* am de man dat'll trust anybody 
an' de man dat* 11 trust nobody. 
80 



UNCLE EBEN 



Hit am propah 'nufTter shout 'bout hon- 
esty bein' de bes' policy, pervided yoh 
kin back up yoh remahks wif er few re- 
ceipted bills. 



De man dat hab de mos' advice ter gib 
erway doan' gin'r'ly look like 'twas much 
good ter him. 



Fancy 'complishments ain' alius whut 
counts in de long run. Plain walkin' gits 
erlong er heap faster dan tuhnin' somer- 
saults. 



Even if de fault-finder git de bes' ob 
t'ings, his disposition am sech as ter pre- 
vent his r'ally inj'yin' em. 
81 



SAYINGS OF 




BLISSFUL IGNORANCE 

De tuhkey am er foolish bird, 'case when 

1 chop de wood, 
I drap de ax agin.de log an' dah she stuck 

an* stood. 
Dat tuhkey come erJong: he did — I scarce 

could trus* de facks — 
An' sot himself foh roostin' on de handle 

of dat ax. 

\ tor him, "Mistah Tuhkey, yoh is actin' 

mighty fine; 
Yoh done got pas' Thanksgibbin* but 

dan's Christmas day in line." 
82 



UNCLE ECEN 

He jes' winked haughty-like an' showed 'is 

tail in gohgeous stacks 
An' sot hisself foh roostin' on de handle 

ob de ax 

1 shohiy laughed, I did ter see dat tuhkey 

actin' so; 
But human folks is like him, as we all hab 

cause ter know. 
Dey prinks in high positions wif er pride 

dat won't relax — 
An' all de time a-roostin' on de handle ob 

de ax. 




SAYINGS OF 



COMPARISON 

Doan' jedge nuffin' by its size, 
'Case yoh nebber should; 

Reed bird's smaller dan de hen 
But twenty times ez good. 



84 



UNCLE EBEN 



Things seem ter go by contraries. Hit 
am alius de mos' dashful man in de pahty 
dat am requested ter kyahve de tuhkey. 



De boun'less wisdom er nature am 
shown by de fack dat er cullud gemman 
doan' hanker after ter'pin, while de white 
man tuhns up 'is nose at 'possum. 



Er purTick lady doan' keep talkin' 'bout 
how good tuhkey's gwinter tas\ ter her 
neighbors dat can't afford nuffin' but 
pohk. 



Doan' do nuffin' by halves. Er snow 
storm ain' nigh so onpop'lar ef it hoi's out 
long 'nuff ter mek sleighin'. 
85 



SAYINGS OF 



HORTICULTURAL 

! has libbed out in de wood ontil I knows 

de trees 'round hyah; 
An' dalrs one o' dem, I tells yon, meks 

me puzzle eb'ry y'ah; 
Dar ain' no use o' lookin' in yer botany 

ter see 
What kin' O' fruit yoh' 11 gather when yoh 

picks de Christmas Tree. 



86 



UNCLE EBEN 

Er man doan' hafter be no elocutionist 
in order ter mek "Merry Christmas" 
soun' good. 



When er man runs inter debt ter buy 
Christmas presents he acks like 'is frien's 
wus de kin' er folks dat can't 'predate 
nuffin' wifout knowin' whut hit cost. 



Ter show de true spirit oV good will ter 
yer feller men, yoh orter begin de twenty- 
sixth ob eb'ry December ter mek prepar- 
ations foh nex' Christmas. 



People doesn' rally begin ter git oP tell 
dey can't inj'y dahse'fs at Christmas time. 

87 



SATI5GS OF 

w*it terpayi New lTaVs caft 

; : ~t : : : ~in ;- i" .?!•> t ;• : - 
: : :- r- ;:: :::: ; : : = : 






f **; 




-■: 



DA'S ALL 



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Finished for the Binder Nov. 
1896. 



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